Hidden Feelings
by MoonExpressions
Summary: Time may have passed but wouldn’t let him forget that his life is a sealed heart of untold regrets. He was breaking inside, losing a nameless fight and lying to everyone…but one could see. Thrill Pair


A/N: Just another quick one-shot from me :) This was a challenge from RainofLove. The requirements were:

-Had to be a one-shot

-Angsty

-Thrill Pair

I have some good and bad news for everyone who was awaiting a GREAT update from me.

Good news- I have now finished being busy in my life and can concentrate a bit more on writing now.

Bad news- My spare USB with all my hard written chapter has been stolen :( The only one saved was Fated, which I had saved on my computer at home since I was working on it on that computer. That's why it has been updated. I'm currently hoping that whoever stole my USB will return it soon…and if not I'll have to rewrite it all from scratch. So if you don't see another update from me until April 1st, the next mass update then that means I had to rewrite the chapter and it'll be part of that mass update.

I apologize to the ones who were waiting for a good update and I will make it up in the next update! They'll have long chapters and I may even throw in chapters from my other stories that I shouldn't be continuing. Koori No Ouji will make an appearance as well so look forward to that!

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**Hidden Feelings**

**Rated:** T

**Summary**: Time may have passed but wouldn't let him forget that his life is a sealed heart of untold regrets. He was breaking inside, losing a nameless fight and lying to everyone…but one could see. Thrill Pair

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'Are you still lying to yourself?' Fuji questioned himself as he stared at the calm blue sky. The sky held no answer for him as it continued to move the fluffy clouds in its usual course…reminding him that life goes go, time goes on, and rarely…will anything change. Taking a breath of fresh air, Fuji smiled slightly as the breeze ran through his hair lightly and off, it was comforting to him.

'This isn't the end of you and me…' 

A small smile made its way across Fuji's face as he reminisced that scene…better yet, he hadn't forgotten that scene to be able to reminisce it…he lived it, breathed it and tortured himself with it. Turning his head slightly, he felt the breeze slightly die off for a bit and allow a moment of the sunlight to warm him.

Life hadn't been the same for him for a long time now…almost a year to be exact. He had been so sure that day, so sure he'd never look back, so sure he's never regret.

'Ah but you lied to yourself…you let him go unnecessarily right?' Fuji questioned himself bitterly. Glancing at his watch, Fuji turned away from the peaceful scenery and started towards the café he promised to meet everyone else at. For the last few months he had been torn as to whether or not he was going to be happy or not seeing his ex-lover. It wasn't that he hated Ryoma…it was just the sweet longing he knew he would feel, the burning regret he'd have when he saw the man.

"Fujiko!" Kikumaru waved enthusiastically at him.

Pasting a smile on his face, Fuji waved back as well and pushed his own troubles off. He had a duty to be happy, a duty to enjoy his friends company…and yet he knew deep inside him that he accepted this invitation because he wanted to see Ryoma.

Kikumaru hadn't changed much at all…he was still as energetic as a cat, bouncing off one wall to another while wearing a smaller version of his trademark bandage. The friendly-playful eyes still shone with childish gleams and the grin never left his lips.

"I missed you Fujiko!" Kikumaru said glomping him warmly.

"I missed you too Eiji…" Fuji said back. Smiling a bit, he turned his head to greet Oishi as well. He was still as motherly as ever when he asked if he was getting enough nutrition in his meals because he looked a bit tired.

"I'm alright, it was just a long night of writing…" Fuji said with a small smile. Turning away from the golden pair, he greeted the rest that appeared…even him.

"Echizen…" Fuji greeted with a smile. He was a bit disappointed Ryoma didn't say anything; he merely nodded and turned away to follow Tezuka and the others inside.

'What do you expect him to say? You don't mean anything to him anymore just like he doesn't mean anything to you anymore right?' Fuji questioned himself as he slowly made his way into the café too.

"_Are you going to run away?" Fuji asked his lips dangerously close to Ryoma._

"…_Yadda…" Ryoma managed to say as he closed the distance. _

The group was centered on talking about the rest of their lives…what they were going to be in a couple years. They were future-oriented…not like him. He was still thinking of yesterday when they were climbing towards tomorrow. Perhaps it was because time may have passed but it wouldn't let him forget that his life is a broken heart of untold regrets. He had pushed the one he loved away so he wouldn't break, he had lied and turned his back to protect himself…yet in the long run he was the one feeling regret, he was the one hung up.

'Ryoma…'

Ryoma and his relationship had started on the wrong foot…maybe that's why Fuji believed it could never be. He had known Tezuka and his relationship started because he initiated it, he willingly took what Tezuka offered and even if he knew Tezuka was in love with someone else; he still persisted…thinking, hoping, Tezuka would turn towards him for more than a quick fling. That wish never came true so Fuji retaliated…he took the most precious thing he could from Tezuka, the very object of his desire…yes, he took Echizen Ryoma.

"_What are you doing" Tezuka demanded. Fuji had never seen Tezuka quite so mad before…I looks could kill, he'd be dead now.'_

"_What does it look like Tezuka…I'm moving on, it's useless to be by your side if you won't look at me." Fuji responded with a small smile._

"_You may do as you wish but leave Echizen out of it!"_

"_Why must I leave him out when I 'love' him." Fuji asked_

"_You don't love anyone…that's why I overlooked you." Tezuka said with anger-filled eyes. "You only know how to bind and obsess over the ones you supposedly 'love' but you don't know how to LOVE!"_

"_You know nothing of me!" Fuji said dangerously opening his eyes in anger as well. The cerulean eyes that were usually like the calm before the storm was no longer that…it was riled and the blue darkened to a point where it could be pith black in a merciless angered storm._

"_That's right! I know nothing of you!" Tezuka said angrily standing, " I know nothing because you choose to disclose yourself to no one but yourself. I know nothing of who you really are and when I get to close you immediately shut me out! I'm tired of playing your games Fuji…either give it to all or stop playing because I swear I'll do what it takes to keep you away from Echizen."_

"_Do your worst then…" Fuji said before turning away with an aura so deadly, if he struck now, it'd kill._

Tezuka was right…It was barely a month into their dating when Ryoma started trying to dig past his mask, dig into his heart and as usual…his barrier went up and he pushed back with a force. He made sure there was distance in between their hearts; he made sure there was a wall so high it'd cover the secrets he held inside…a place where he could hide.

"_Why don't you tell me instead of letting me assume?" Ryoma demanded with a fed up pout. "What are you really thinking behind that smile Fuji-senpai?"_

"_Just trust me Ryo-chan…" Fuji had murmured pressing a kiss onto his cute boyfriend's lips. "You do don't you?"_

"_You haven't given me a reason to doubt you yet…" Ryoma muttered out with a sigh._

But every time he asked Ryoma to trust him he felt the weight on his heart double…one, because he was using Ryoma to get back at Tezuka, and the other because it was words that was said too many times between them…so many times that it held no worth…just as the times he whispered 'I love you' to Ryoma became such a habit that it became a cover to hold him close yet keep him faraway…in the end…Fuji could no longer carry the burden. After a year and a half he decided to stop holding Ryoma back…he decided Tezuka didn't need to influence Ryoma subtly into digging into his wall, he just needed to push away as he always did once and for all and he could stay perfectly safe.

But looking back on it now, he was a coward…he was scared to open up to Tezuka, to Ryoma, to anyone else who had ever tried. He protected the ones precious to him as a duty, an obsession to keep the 'dirty' people away…but in the end he was the dirtiest wasn't he? To make it the worst, he had lied to Ryoma…because Ryoma wasn't like the rest of them…he didn't use anger, he didn't find a means to escape…he stayed. That was what scared Fuji the most…so scare was he that he used the word 'hate' when breaking up with Ryoma. Despite 'hate' being such a strong word, despite the fact that it was he who wanted out, Ryoma had merely smirked.

"_Mada mada dane Syuusuke…why are you running?"_

"_There's nothing to run from Ryo-chan… I'm merely bored of you now…the thrill is gone." Fuji said with a small smile of regret._

"_But you are…no matter what you say you are running." Ryoma said closing the distance between them to look Fuji straight in the face. "What do you fear?"_

"_Nothing from you." Fuji had managed to say with a straight face. "I just hate people who bore me."_

"_Hate? You hate me Syuusuke?" Ryoma asked with a raised brow._

"_Aa…" Fuji said with an emotionless face now. He had wanted this to end quickly, to have Ryoma get angry and run or even hit him but instead he smirked and chuckled._

"_There's no need to lie anymore…if you want to go then go…I'll not hold you back." Ryoma finally said turning away from Fuji. He had turned away to hide the pain contorting on his face but he held his pride and continued cockily. "It's raining Syuusuke… just like our first thrill right?"_

"_Rain is a bad sign." Fuji mussed out. He hadn't wanted to use the word hate…actually this was the first time he was pushed to use such a strong word._

"_What's so bad about water?" Ryoma asked reaching out to cup the drops that fell heavily from the sky._

"_It represents sorrow and tears…"Fuji said trying to sum up their relationship…they could only hurt each other and play around…they'd never be serious about one another._

"_Not always…I think of it more as a rain of love from you to me…it comes and goes but no matter what it'll always come back." Ryoma said turning back to face him with a heart-warming smile…a smile that Fuji never knew could grace such a snarky little brat who only knew how to smirk and extend 'I told you so' smiles._

"_So you're saying I'll be back?" Fuji asked a bit shocked that at this moment, only Ryoma could continue to surprise and surpass each of his defenses._

"_Aa…this isn't the end of you and me…" Ryoma had said with a whole lot more to that meaning in his golden eyes… but as quickly as it showed, it quickly disappeared as well as he turned to leave._

At that point, He had realized that the 'hate' he used wasn't of true hatred at all or even near it…it was a 'hate' of all his weaknesses and sadness building up…it was a 'hate' that was quickly breaking his perfect mask and showing Ryoma what he truly was.

It had been after that breakup that he had become a writer…his book,Buried Lies had made him popular…had sealed his future occupation and had done nothing but remind him of Ryoma…because somewhere in between writing that fic he realized a very odd thing. The characters of the book had been created on his early experiences with learning how to place the perfect mask on his face…so when he ended the book with the character taking revenge on his fellow classmates by destroying their lives, he was reminded of the hearts he tore at and mostly of Ryoma. Because during that time at a press conference for the popularity of his book, he was asked,

'_How do you think the innocent people between the two characters felt being used as revenge…being told lies by the main character?'_

It happened to be that question that made Fuji realize he needed to write a sequel on the main…he realized that between the fake smiles and glomps to Ryoma, saying 'I love you' wasn't becoming a habit…it was becoming a truth…it was starting to come from his heart and that was what pushed his senses into defense mode. Fuji had started the sequel now…but he had no idea how it was going at all…

"Fujiko!"

"Hmm?" Fuji asked snapping out of his thoughts to see his friends' worried faces all looking at him.

"Are you okay?" Oishi asked with a mother-plastered look on his face…he really wasn't going to outgrow being a mother to the group.

"I'm fine… did I worry you all?"

Kikumaru nodded furiously, "Fujiko…you were staring blank off nya!"

"Sorry…" Fuji said glancing a bit towards Ryoma whom he noted was staring straight at him. Adverting his gaze he forced a chuckle out of his mouth, " it's just that I was thinking about my book."

"That's right!' Momoshiro started from the other end of the table. " You're working on the sequel of your book right?"

"Aa…" Fuji agreed with another smile.

"How is that coming along?" Inui asked opening his notebook to see if he could sneak some ideas for himself.

"I'm a bit lost on how to continue so I was just thinking about it." Fuji said with another quick smile.

"We could help!" Kikumaru said cutely cutting in.

"Thanks Eiji but I better keep the details to myself." Fuji said softly. He checked his watch and was surprised four hours had gone by so fast.

"It's raining!" Kikumaru pouted staring out the window. "It was so beautiful earlier!"

"Weather can change fast…" Ryoma muttered from where he sat next to Tezuka drinking tea.

"Come to think of it O-chibi!" Kikumaru said with a grin, "How did Tezuka and you arrive together?"

"We met up half-way." Ryoma said with a shrug, "So we walked here together."

"Oh…but everyone has been predicting some chemistry around you two…" Momoshiro said with a grin.

"Don't you all have something better to do than predict chemistry between buchou and me?" Ryoma asked with a slight smirk, " Mada mada… I didn't think I was so popular."

"Echizen you-" Momoshiro started only to stop when he realized Tezuka's gaze was on him.

"I have to get back…" Kawamura said staring at the time on his cell phone. " I promised dad I would help him with the evening customers."

"It has been four hours huh?" Momoshiro said looking at his own watch.

"Aa…" Everyone echoed as they started to stand as well.

"Well…" Kawamura said looking at all of them, " I suppose this is good bye for another two to three months right?"

"I guess it is." Kikumaru said with a small frown. " I'm going to miss all of you!" with that said, Kikumaru glomped everyone extra hard individually to show just how much he'd miss them.

"Eiji… we live together…" Oishi protested as Kikumaru landed on him lastly. " I know…I just wanted you to be part of my glomping." Kikumaru said with a smile.

"Oh…" Oishi uttered with a small blush.

"Then I'll take my leave first!" Kawamura said with a gentle wave to the group. " Come visit me sometimes!"

Everyone agreed and turned to look at each other.

"Where are all of you headed now?" Inui asked.

"Bookstore," Tezuka said.

"Movies!" Kikumaru said looping an arm around Oishi's arm.

"See An!" Momoshiro said with a huge grin.

"fsst…"

"Home," Fuji and Ryoma voiced at the same time.

"Is that so…" Inui said, " Well then Kaidoh and I have some things to look over so we shall be heading to my apartment."

"Aa…goodbye…" Tezuka said as he pulled out an umbrella.

"You were prepared for rain?" Fuji asked with a smile. It was so like Tezuka to not let his guard down.

"I'm not careless." He merely said before he started away from the café.

"Well then…I'll be going too." Fuji said and thought how ironic it was that he had put his heavy jacket away before coming thinking the sun would last. Exiting the café, Fuji started walking briskly towards home ignoring the rain. He kept his mind blank even though he noted that he didn't speak so much to Ryoma…or Tezuka at all, instead he had drifted off or commented very small here and there just to make everyone realize he was still sitting there and listening.

'I wonder…' Fuji thought as he began to cross the street and changed his mind. Walking back, he turned a different way and made his way into a small, secluded park. Taking shelter underneath a covered bench he gazed at the lone tennis court buried away between the large trees and shrubbery…this was a place he found comfort in… a place Ryoma and he had found due to their exploring. Watching the rainfall, Fuji reflected a bit on what little he had actually planned for the sequel of his book…he wasn't sure how to go upon it but the sudden rainfall and seeing Ryoma made him decide he was going to remake his story…only with a different ending…this character wouldn't fear what was beyond the other side…he'd do what Fuji couldn't…he'd complete the regret Fuji himself couldn't.

"Syuusuke…"

Fuji's eyes snapped towards the sound of that voice and found himself staring at Ryoma himself…after almost a year apart…here they were in 'their' spot, somewhere only they knew existed.

"Ryoma…what are you doing here?" Fuji asked standing although he was slightly shivering from the rain that had soaked through his thin shirt.

"A better question might be why are you here?" Ryoma asked tossing a can of coffee to Fuji.

"I…I shouldn't be here…" Fuji admitted standing with the drink in hand. He attempted to move pass Ryoma but what Ryoma said next stopped in his tracks.

"Running again?"

"We've moved on Ryoma…we both know we shouldn't be here…" Fuji said softly.

"So what if we're not strong enough to go yet." Ryoma said staring at the lone court. "Should you tell me you hate me again?"

"Ryoma…" Fuji started but knew he couldn't, wouldn't say that again. He should just walk now; after all, he had given up his chances with Ryoma so long ago…they just weren't meant to be.

"Do you still hold me in your memories?" Ryoma asked instead.

"Why do you say that?" Fuji asked staring at Ryoma's back.

"Isn't that the only place we are still alive?" Ryoma questioned. " I read your book…"

"Did you…" Fuji asked fidgeting with the can of warm coffee in his hands.

"Aa…I was jealous." Ryoma admitted out front blunt as usual.

"Jealous?" Fuji questioned. He wasn't quite sure why Ryoma would be jealous of his book unless he was jealous of the fact that Fuji could write…but that was unlike Ryoma to be jealous of writing skills.

"You told everyone more about yourself than me…" Ryoma uttered turning to face him now with the same intense golden eyes that never faded from his memories.

Fuji didn't need to analyze his look again to know that Ryoma hadn't turned from him at all in the whole year they parted…he didn't need a worded confrontation…it was all there through his eyes, through his look. The pages of their forgotten book were starting to turn again and suddenly a deep sadness touched Fuji completely. Fuji couldn't believe the story he was sure he had completed was incomplete. He couldn't believe Ryoma and his story held things he would never be able to redo…to rewrite.

"Ryoma…" Fuji started not quite sure what he should say…he just wanted to say his name…

"Didn't I say that it wasn't the end of you and me?" Ryoma asked with a small smirk.

"But…" Fuji whispered looking up at Ryoma. He didn't need Ryoma to voice that he had hurt him…he already knew it himself and he has been running from it.

"Stop running…" Ryoma said setting his own can of coffee down as he advanced towards Fuji. "You feared me because you knew I was starting to see right… you were afraid."

"I…" Fuji started and it was at the moment Ryoma pressed a finger onto his lips that he realized completely that Ryoma saw and was right. Even now, he reacted almost immediately; he almost pushed Ryoma harshly away again. His pain, his façade that he had spent years was crumbling so fast yet Ryoma didn't speak but stare at Fuji only. It didn't matter, silence, at the moment was conveying so much more. The splashes of rain were falling harshly but underneath this covered bench, nothing but the two of them existed. The silent hope that Fuji had carried for so long under his midst of lies was slowly staring to resurface. His aching heart that had asked for lost time was starting to open…but before all o f that, it scared Fuji.

Fuji suddenly pushed Ryoma back as he shut his eyes trying not to say the wrong things even if he knew he had reacted once more in the wrong way. His defenses were too well tuned, too use to pushing everyone away. He hated being vulnerable and even now, even when he had realized it, his body, his reactions still refused to open the crumbling wall.

"Syuusuke…the hate you felt towards me a year ago… it was love that burdened your soul right?" Ryoma asked wrapping his arms around Fuji possessively while never taking his eyes off of Fuji's own.

Fuji didn't answer…he merely shook his head trying to convey to Ryoma that he should go.

"Don't get me wrong…you hurt me when you walked…" Ryoma said pressing his head into the cold crook of Fuji's neck. "But I had no wish to stop you…I didn't want to force my love onto you…because love…shatters like ice when forced too roughly."

Fuji eyes snapped wide open as he felt a warm drop of liquid trail his neck and down his wet shirt. Ryoma was crying…he had protected himself and not once did he think of what he did to Ryoma. He never thought of how he'd feel, how'd he might truly think after parting.

'_How do you think the innocent people between the two characters felt being used as revenge…being told lies by the main character?'_

"Ryoma…" Fuji whispered, turning Ryoma's emotionless face up to his. Although his face held no emotion, the trail of tears were still there…the eyes that were like windows to his heart showed him so much pain, so much of everything…

"I'm sorry Ryoma…" Fuji finally muttered pressing a kiss onto Ryoma's cheek as his own warm tears fell and trailed down both their cheeks. "But… we can't anymore…I messed up."

"Then fix it." Ryoma stated grasping Fuji's wet shirt in his shaking hands.

Fuji merely bit his lips and pulled away softly. " Ryoma…what flies away can never return."

"Birds come and go all the time." Ryoma said stubbornly.

"But words can never be reversed…" Fuji whispered softly. "Time can't even heal all wounds."

"No it can't…broken things can never become whole again, building what was lost takes more than dreams but aren't we only human? Isn't it truth and lies that makes us whole?" Ryoma asked as frustration and anger clouded his face.

His perfect mask, a mask he spent so many years creating was gone…he was losing…losing to Ryoma's love for him. For the first time in such a long time Fuji felt stripped of his defenses, stripped of everything he could hide behind. In that moment, he felt open, exposed to who he really was, and yet Ryoma stood there…waiting.

"Ryoma…I…I hurt you…" Fuji whispered against Ryoma's damp hair as he moved to cling onto Ryoma desperately.

"I'm sorry…" Ryoma whispered after a while, "I promised to let go but still…I held on tightly."

"Ryoma…" Fuji muttered pressing a kiss onto his forehead. "I held on tightly as well…unconsciously, I was pressing rewind to have another chance…but now…now it's all ruined." Fuji said truthfully from his heart now…there was no use hiding from the one who completely exposed him…for the one who could accept him for the twisted person he could be.

"Baka!" Ryoma said with a soft smile at Fuji. "It doesn't matter if we take a hundred falls, I would take those falls every time as long as I can be with you."

"But…" Fuji started, " You know I'm not-"

"How will you end your story Syuusuke?" Ryoma asked looking into his eyes, " What will you title it?"

"I want it to end with you…" Fuji finally answered after a long time, "Because I love you."

Ryoma nodded and leaned his head against Fuji's softly. "I think I was waiting for you to realize that."

Fuji merely nodded against Ryoma. He was going to write a sequel, a sequel that would show that his character was only human. The forgotten book was going to be completed; it had taken this breakdown to figure out his sequel…to find his and his characters end.

xXx

"What does one do when the end's in front of you?" The reporter repeated Fuji's words to Fuji. "You left us with those words at the end of Buried Lies and now with Broken Melody you give us a poem in the beginning of the book…what does it mean?"

"Life's great story all come to an end," Fuji said with a smile to all reporters who had come to cover the release of his latest book. " But it's the person who loves one for who they are that can properly close a forgotten book…"

Ryoma smiled softly as he watched Fuji answer questions…although he had broken the mask, it had been repaired for the sake of the world, for the sake of Syuusuke…but it was the pleasure of seeing him remove the mask when they were alone that Ryoma loved best. In the beginning he had known that their relationship had started out of spite, but he had went with that. He was interested in the Tensai so of course he wouldn't have refused when Syuusuke wanted to start seeing each other. His only regret during the period they went out was that before he could distinguish that he was truly in love with Syuusuke, Syuusuke had ended their relationship. After that, he had told himself to move on but no matter how many times he tried, all he could remember was his time with Syuusuke. It was during those months that he opened the truth he was hiding…he was afraid to tell Syuusuke he loved him because he was afraid Syuusuke wouldn't feel the same. All those times they met, all the times he had a chance to tell what was in his heart, he hid it instead. Glancing at the book in his hand, his hands skimmed the poem on the last page of the book lovingly… Despite how Syuusuke and his relationship may have started, despite the pain they went through, he was positive that their great story would end with them.

Behind him Tezuka stood in the shadows. He hadn't had enough patience to decipher the Tensai as Ryoma did but he was happy the Tensai could finally open, even if it was just a bit, to someone other than himself. Although they never said anything about being serious, Tezuka had sensed it when they dated…he had also predicted Fuji would pull away once it started to get intense…the only thing he didn't predict was the fact that Ryoma would wait for him…even after Fuji destroyed him.

'How do you heal the broken pieces of a heart though?' Tezuka wondered staring at Fuji's smiling face to the soft golden eyes that stared at Fuji in front of him. Walking directly behind Ryoma, he wondered why Ryoma had suddenly looked away to the book in his hands. Glancing down, Tezuka started to read over Ryoma's shoulder the page he held open.

_Pages of a forgotten book turn again_

_You and me are in that story_

_I just can't believe you can't rewrite what has been done_

_Mistakes and promises scattered with the wind_

_Life's great story all comes to an end_

_Time can't always heal wounds that traveled so deep_

_Love shatters like ice when forced to roughly_

_Promised to let go but held on tightly_

_A drop of your tear accounts for a million hurts_

_The story of you and me feels incomplete_

_Pools of tears held back in spite of destiny_

_What does one do when the end's in front of you?_

_Want to press rewind and try again_

_But broken things won't ever become whole again_

_Parting hands in slow mode towards the end_

_Regret and sorrow flutter without end_

_Was it me or was it you that turned away_

_Why did it end this way?_

_Hate begins to build when love burdens the soul_

Truths and lies blended to make a person whole 

_What flies away can never return_

_Words said can never be reversed_

_Yet for every hurt and evil we trend upon_

_Let our love grow that strong_

_Doesn't matter if we fall a million times_

_I would take those falls every time_

_As long as I can be with you for a moment_

_I won't regret you…_

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A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this short one-shot! Please review your final thoughts for me! 


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